Text Message Blog

When to communicate face-to-face

by "LadyFontaine," a Psychic Advisor on Keen*

Envision the image of a couple, very much in love, sitting next to each other, not saying a word and text messaging each other. Absurd? Well, some relationships really are relying more and more on text messaging, and less on talking. But is this a direction that is beneficial to relationships? Or harmful?

In today's high-tech world, 'texting' has become the new way to communicate. It seems that many men and women use texting as their primary method to converse with each other. Texting has a place in relationships and in your life, but it should not be used as a primary method of "talking."

Don't text message if:

1. A message is longer than the allotted characters in a text message
2. If a message requires more than one separate text message
3. You are making a date
4. You are breaking a date
5. You are telling a partner you love them for the first time
6. You are breaking good news
7. You are breaking bad news
8. You are breaking up
9. You are making up
10. You are wishing someone a happy birthday, happy anniversary, etc. It is so much better to do that in person and enjoy the connection and intimacy involved with face-to-face communication!

Hiding behind a text message to confront someone or to express something uncomfortable is taking the convenient, and sometimes cowardly, way out. The end result is that the person receiving the text message has nothing vested. He or she can easily shrug and go on with their life and not respond; their reaction in that moment is forever lost!

Consider receiving a text message that breaks a date or ends a relationship; you don't have the opportunity to express yourself or to get closure. Imagine not hearing or seeing the reaction of your partner when you tell him or her you love them for the first time. Ultimately, when you rely on texting too much you are not getting the best 'bang for your buck' in your relationship.

Texting is great for quick messages to keep your partner up-to-date about plans, to ask what to get at the store, to touch base, etc.

Acceptable Times to Text:

1. A quick "hello"
2. "I am thinking of you" (to be followed with a phone call or in-person expression of this same sentiment)
3. "I'll call you shortly" (but be sure to follow up with a phone call)
4. "I love you" (when you already have established these three words in your regular vocabulary)
5. "I am on my way home" (or on my way over, etc.)

Texting allows you to easily send your partner a message and let them know you are thinking about them. But too many couples are substituting texting for in-person, intimate contact to say important things to each other. Individuals are losing their ability to communicate with each other and relationships are failing more and more often due to the lack of communication.

Texting may be referred to as "communication" -- but it isn't really! Not in the largest realm of open expression and vulnerability that occurs in a relationship. It is far easier to text a message telling a partner that you want in or out of a relationship than to do it face-to-face. But, it is much more effective to do it in person. It is fairer to you and to your partner. And in the long run, the quality of your relationships will greatly improve if you can learn to communicate, both verbally and nonverbally, your full range of feelings and thoughts to another person.

A high percentage of individuals who consult advisors are dealing with relationship issues that have a lack of communication at the core of the problem. To improve your relationship and your ability to work out partnership issues, communication is essential. If you are serious about your partner, talk to them face-to-face! And as a general rule of thumb, texting should make up no more than five percent of your conversations.